sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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