I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
