I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
