Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He keeps bees of course he's weird
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
