dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're like the curious george of whores
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
