After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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