im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
