wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
