I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
