In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's the barista slut.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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