I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
