He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
