Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
