I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
