I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
