Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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