It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
