I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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