the condom got lost in my hair
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
