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census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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