I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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