I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
