it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
