escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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