you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
