i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
