i was born a porn star she said
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
