Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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