just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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