i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
