I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
