you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
