You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
