Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
