she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
