He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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