i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize