shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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