his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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