shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think people are normalizing furries
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
