Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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