Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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