Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize