Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
