I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
