Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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