pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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