I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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