What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
