I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
