Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
