Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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