And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
