He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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