my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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