Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
