If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize