just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
