girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
