Well apparently he's into motor boating.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
