i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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