i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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