You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
