Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
